Alta Bates Nitty Gritty

Last couple weeks I have seen people who have not talked to me in ten years. What do I say when they ask how the "boys" are? What do I do when I think about the blue of the mustang and John never say it? What do I do when I see him take his last breath and I still want to scream? Will it ever end or do I even want to let it end? Kicking me feet under my covers as I lie in bed does not relieve the pain.