Alta Bates Nitty Gritty

Each day does seem to ease the grief I feel. I have had several moments especially since Scott has moved out. The other day I found myself crying and stamping around the house because I would never meet John’s children. Scott does still check in everyday. I sometimes think what a burden it will be for him to be the only son who will have to make sure I am okay. I really will not and do not put that on him, but he is so devoted. I am very lucky to have sons who care so much about how I feel. This week I gave the key to the duplex back to James. Really is tough to finally give up all ties to John’s place. John I am sure will always be someone that James will remember, but recovery seems so much easier for him. Most of his friends long before John actually died went on with their lives during John’s illness. Most went off to college and made college friends while John made friends with nurses and doctors. I know that each of us has a young person in our past that has died, just hurts that John is that statistic to all of these people. I did finally figure out the need to show people the pictures of John as a baby and before his illness. I want others to know him like I did; therefore they can mourn him with the same depth.