Thursday, November 05, 2009
Recently a childhood friend found me on facebook. Always fun, but I directed her to John's website because I just could not bring myself to tell another person I am only a mother of one (living) child. Is it part of my recovery that unless I am specifically asked I no longer mention John so I don't have to utter the words or is it refusal to face what really happened?
Ummmm...been reading a book by the author of the time traveler's wife about this woman who died of unspecified cancer (why don't they specify, it is annoying because cancer is not just cancer) and is a spirit trapped in her flat with her nieces who inherited the flat, and her former partner living down stairs. Interesting concept, but makes me wonder where John is trapped or is he trapped at all? While I have had dreams of him and perceived visits, has it happened since I moved from Kains Avenue? I have to say how much I miss living where John was alive and what a mistake it was to move. I often drive by the old house and the duplex where John lived right before he went to the hospital the last time. I wonder if the new tenants ever catch a cold spot or a glimpse of John's left over energy (spirit???)? I do have to say that I do not think John is trapped, and I know he has found me in other places, as he has found his aunties, but has he really found me here? Scott and his girlfriend are living with me, however, it does not at all mimic when he lived with me before. So having him here, while I love it does not give me the feeling of having my home where the guys and I grew up. Ummmmmm.
