Sunday, February 25, 2007
John would be 25 today. Hard to say happy birthday because the reality is no more birthdays for John. He stopped having birthdays at 22.
One may wonder what a mom does on her deceased son’s birthday. I went to John’s tree, the seedling is doing well. Have to thank John for caring enough from heaven to make me at least feel like a grandmother. Spent time with Pop. We watched NASCAR and rooted Dale Ernhart Jr. on until he crashed. Jim watches NASCAR each Sunday as a way to be closer to John. John loved the race cars and especially loved Bud Car 8. It is the # 8 Bud hat that I keep next to John’s ashes with his wallet, glasses and car keys. I also served wine today at Church. I thought it would be more meaningful being John’s birthday, etcetera. However, John did not just subscribe to Catholicism, he really did believe a bit from all religions, so if places were changed, and believe me I wish they were, it would be far more meaningful if he served wind for the first time in the religion I believe in on my birthday. I also went to Lalime’s. Steve the head chef came and said hello. I told him I needed to be where I know John hangs out a bunch at when he is not busy doing what he does now for the universe. I politely ate the crab chalupes, stirring the seafood around my plate. John would be proud, but next year I do believe Jackie at least should come as she will eat anything and often helps me finish the gourmet dishes I will not touch.
I did okay at Lalime’s only welled up once, but John really would not like it if I cried there in front of those who knew him differently than I knew John (the cool adult John vs. my baby). So now as I have survived another day and made it though a week I did not think I could make it through I will watch “So I Married an Ax Murderer” on of John’s favorites.
One may wonder what a mom does on her deceased son’s birthday. I went to John’s tree, the seedling is doing well. Have to thank John for caring enough from heaven to make me at least feel like a grandmother. Spent time with Pop. We watched NASCAR and rooted Dale Ernhart Jr. on until he crashed. Jim watches NASCAR each Sunday as a way to be closer to John. John loved the race cars and especially loved Bud Car 8. It is the # 8 Bud hat that I keep next to John’s ashes with his wallet, glasses and car keys. I also served wine today at Church. I thought it would be more meaningful being John’s birthday, etcetera. However, John did not just subscribe to Catholicism, he really did believe a bit from all religions, so if places were changed, and believe me I wish they were, it would be far more meaningful if he served wind for the first time in the religion I believe in on my birthday. I also went to Lalime’s. Steve the head chef came and said hello. I told him I needed to be where I know John hangs out a bunch at when he is not busy doing what he does now for the universe. I politely ate the crab chalupes, stirring the seafood around my plate. John would be proud, but next year I do believe Jackie at least should come as she will eat anything and often helps me finish the gourmet dishes I will not touch.
I did okay at Lalime’s only welled up once, but John really would not like it if I cried there in front of those who knew him differently than I knew John (the cool adult John vs. my baby). So now as I have survived another day and made it though a week I did not think I could make it through I will watch “So I Married an Ax Murderer” on of John’s favorites.
