Sunday, March 29, 2009
Suzanne Gooding died about two weeks ago. Since then it is much like post traumatic stress as Suzanne was one of John’s nurse and his Bone Marrow Transplant coordinator while he was on 4NE. She sent us off to City of Hope…with hope. She was the nurse I called when we discovered John’s platelets were dropping again and helped us at the Cancer Center while Dr. Wolf was gone that Thanksgiving (not sure if anyone remembers how John held out not going to treatment until he was finished with his semester and Dr. Wolf was back, what a stubborn guy). So I am often thinking of Suzanne and John that Suzanne let John have yogurt from Yogurt Park because he should get “whatever the fuck he wants”. My only solace is I am sure John, Tonio and all the patients she helped over her long career on 4NE were there to greet her into the peaceful life beyond death.
I have had many dreams with John, I guess he knows I need him now with all the sadness I am feeling. Last night however, and this is why has prompted me to write was really different. John was at first my sweet toddler busy as always, but when he grasped my neck for a hug, he held on, then he was adult 22 year old John and as he was being pulled away he was kissing my cheek. Finally he lost grip. I know it was a visit.
I have had many dreams with John, I guess he knows I need him now with all the sadness I am feeling. Last night however, and this is why has prompted me to write was really different. John was at first my sweet toddler busy as always, but when he grasped my neck for a hug, he held on, then he was adult 22 year old John and as he was being pulled away he was kissing my cheek. Finally he lost grip. I know it was a visit.
