Thursday, September 15, 2005
Well in ten days I will be moving. This means that I have had to go through all the things in the basement including John’s boxes and decide what really is best to keep and what should be given away. I decided to check with the owners of Lalime’s and see if they wanted John’s chef jackets, pants, hats and aprons. Luckily they did because I just do not think I could stand to give them away to Goodwill. It was bad enough to give away his regular clothes. I took most of his cook books to the recycling center where they have bookshelves. I was proud that as soon as I put them out people began to take them, happy to have decent cookbooks. One old guy asked if I decided to stop cooking and I told them son was a chef. As he was stacking the books he asked what did he do now and I replied, “he passed away, but would be happy that someone was enthusiastic about having his books. It is the little experiences that bring a little joy to the hard work of giving up John’s possessions, the hope it is all a bad nightmare that he will return. I finally went through the box with the hospital stuff and know I am glad I did. Everything had been washed because John had to have clean clothes due to the infection risk, but one of his sweatshirts was in the box and he wore it frequently. It was infused with the wonderful order of John. At first I thought I was imagining it, but Jen said she really could smell it too. I put it in my grandma box. I imagine one day when I am with my grandchildren I will be able to take them to visit their Uncle John. Play in his enormous shoes, wear his large coat jacket and comprehend some of person John was.
Last week a few of John’s friends stopped by to say hello, Stephanie, Tuan and Amy. They have all finished with their bachelor’s degree and are heading for further education. It was the night before Tuan was leaving for UC Santa Barbara to begin a PhD program in statistics. I had a nice visit and what made it extra meaningful is when I told them I was touched they remembered John, his friend Amy replied, “We always remember John, we think of him everyday.” Just knowing that has made me feel less alone since it still often feels like yesterday he left us. Big energy like that does not go away that fast.
Last week a few of John’s friends stopped by to say hello, Stephanie, Tuan and Amy. They have all finished with their bachelor’s degree and are heading for further education. It was the night before Tuan was leaving for UC Santa Barbara to begin a PhD program in statistics. I had a nice visit and what made it extra meaningful is when I told them I was touched they remembered John, his friend Amy replied, “We always remember John, we think of him everyday.” Just knowing that has made me feel less alone since it still often feels like yesterday he left us. Big energy like that does not go away that fast.
