Tuesday, July 12, 2005
I had an interesting journey yesterday. A friend told me of a woman who guides deep meditation. Well I have been searching for some sort of answer so I decided to sign myself up for a private session as I was told they can be really intense including at times throwing up as a way to purge oneself of their pain. The woman has a background of being a psychotherapist and is also a shaman. A week before the process I had to change my diet completely, giving up coffee, meat, dairy and SUGAR…you name it I gave it up. I know this was to cleanse my body of toxins, but also I think it gave me a building crescendo to what I was going to do. We set up an alter and with the help of music and prayers off I went into the deep divide of my psychi.
It was very interesting in that what I hoped to see and what visions I did had were totally different. On the alter I put my bible, a penny that arrived in the John magic way that morning, and a tight wound ball of yarn. I expected to see John in the physical body, and God himself in his white flowing robes. But this did not happen instead is I saw vivid colors, many animals and tons of monkeys. It was primordial in a way. Many lush green trees almost a jungle. What I got from the ceremony is John is not in his body, he really did leave it behind here on earth, and no I will never get a ghostly vision of him, because it is not there anymore. John will always be a feeling, a cold breeze. I also picked up that John was here for me on a spirit level as a playmate for my spirit (I know that sounds weird). I always imagined myself to be an old soul, one that knows the ropes, and the impression I got is how young of a being I am, almost childlike. That I was pushed onto this earth for one reason or another, and have been an unwilling part of human life. I also discovered even though I am a hard working person on a human being level I am a lazy spirit. I do not enjoy all the work there is to do there. I often found myself saying not I want to sleep I am tired, like a baby needing a nap. And let me tell you anyone who thinks we get a free pass of rest and relaxation when our spirits leave this earth have another thing coming, you are still expected to work on things, just not the same way we perceive work now.
The hardest part of my journey was getting through my fear and realizing how it prevents me from really hearing God…as I understand him, because this stuff about only having one god for one religion is not correct. It was very scary to let go and go that deep.It makes sense how I am always so anxious and fearful in this realm as like a child when everything is new and unplanned and so big it is scary. I cried a bunch, and it was very hard to accept how John was taken and I am now left alone, to dwell in the sadness of my abandonment to figure out what I must do. I have to admit I spent a lot of time asking what I was suppose to do so I can leave, wanting not really to be part of human existence. But the answer was to do “the work”. I did not really get my big burning bush conversation with God, but I did get a brief impression on him (for me it was God the father for others it can be God the mother, sister, brother) at the very end of him holding me like a child and when I was returning to this world I of many hands being pulled from me as I traveled back to my body.
So I know this sounds really new age, and one of my sisters was worried I was joining a cult and believe me it wasn’t that kind of thing. I just think that with the help of the facilitator I was able to get rid of all the white noise my mind provides so I could get to a deeper level of prayer.
Is John okay? He certainly didn’t seem sad. He was not a young as me in spirit, but still very playful.
It was very interesting in that what I hoped to see and what visions I did had were totally different. On the alter I put my bible, a penny that arrived in the John magic way that morning, and a tight wound ball of yarn. I expected to see John in the physical body, and God himself in his white flowing robes. But this did not happen instead is I saw vivid colors, many animals and tons of monkeys. It was primordial in a way. Many lush green trees almost a jungle. What I got from the ceremony is John is not in his body, he really did leave it behind here on earth, and no I will never get a ghostly vision of him, because it is not there anymore. John will always be a feeling, a cold breeze. I also picked up that John was here for me on a spirit level as a playmate for my spirit (I know that sounds weird). I always imagined myself to be an old soul, one that knows the ropes, and the impression I got is how young of a being I am, almost childlike. That I was pushed onto this earth for one reason or another, and have been an unwilling part of human life. I also discovered even though I am a hard working person on a human being level I am a lazy spirit. I do not enjoy all the work there is to do there. I often found myself saying not I want to sleep I am tired, like a baby needing a nap. And let me tell you anyone who thinks we get a free pass of rest and relaxation when our spirits leave this earth have another thing coming, you are still expected to work on things, just not the same way we perceive work now.
The hardest part of my journey was getting through my fear and realizing how it prevents me from really hearing God…as I understand him, because this stuff about only having one god for one religion is not correct. It was very scary to let go and go that deep.It makes sense how I am always so anxious and fearful in this realm as like a child when everything is new and unplanned and so big it is scary. I cried a bunch, and it was very hard to accept how John was taken and I am now left alone, to dwell in the sadness of my abandonment to figure out what I must do. I have to admit I spent a lot of time asking what I was suppose to do so I can leave, wanting not really to be part of human existence. But the answer was to do “the work”. I did not really get my big burning bush conversation with God, but I did get a brief impression on him (for me it was God the father for others it can be God the mother, sister, brother) at the very end of him holding me like a child and when I was returning to this world I of many hands being pulled from me as I traveled back to my body.
So I know this sounds really new age, and one of my sisters was worried I was joining a cult and believe me it wasn’t that kind of thing. I just think that with the help of the facilitator I was able to get rid of all the white noise my mind provides so I could get to a deeper level of prayer.
Is John okay? He certainly didn’t seem sad. He was not a young as me in spirit, but still very playful.
