Friday, November 26, 2004
Well...the first major holiday has passed and to tell you the truth it feels as crappy as all the other days. I have to say that my Thanksgiving tradition is finding a way to only bring minor appetizer, desserts or even better wine I buy to whoever has pity on me since the boys always went to Pops house. My tradition did not surround the guys and perhaps that is why it seemed just like another day. Not sure what Christmas will bring, or whether again I am on delay reaction. I do know as I was dicing an apple for mince meat tarts I still hate me imitating John. If there was a way to avoid chopping ever again I would. I only wish I could embrace cooking instead of seeing it as a chore that will only bring sadness and remind me of what I am missing.
Sunday, November 21, 2004
This afternoon the plaque was placed at the foot of John's redwood tree. It was really nice, Pop, Scott, Alisa. Peter and Kristina were there with me. The plaque looks great and I am really happy with what it says (thanks Jen). I am looking forward to years of watching the tree grow. I have to admit I drive by it almost every day. It feels great to have it there, and it is already thriving. Peter has a website that he put pictures of the tree planting and the before preparation for anyone who wants to look at them. The link is: http://schakow.smugmug.com/Peter
I was really glad Pop was there. I know this has been really tough on him and I ask him every once in a while if he would like to write some of what has been happening to him, so far he has not wanted to. I know today when we talked we both seem to be in the same place, very sad and still clueless how this happened to John. When I asked if there was anything I can do to help him through it he said, "Bring John back". Jim not only lost a son, but John was Pop's best friend too. I know one day when John was about 14 John said after spending a day with Pop that he "realized he was Pop's best friend" and was happy about it.
I know that this Thursday is going to be really hard on Jim and his family as John and Scott always spent Thanksgiving with Jim. There is definitely going to be a tremendous space missing at the table. John always loved going to Thanksgiving with Pop's family, especially when they added the deep fried turkey. Once I took the boys to Portland to visit my brother for Thanksgiving and I was forbidden to ever leave town again on the holiday because John did not ever want to miss another meal at his Auntie's house. I wouldn't be surprised if some how some way John figures out a way to sneak a piece of turkey and some of Aunt Annette's potato salad to where he is at now...even heaven cannot match that delight.
I was really glad Pop was there. I know this has been really tough on him and I ask him every once in a while if he would like to write some of what has been happening to him, so far he has not wanted to. I know today when we talked we both seem to be in the same place, very sad and still clueless how this happened to John. When I asked if there was anything I can do to help him through it he said, "Bring John back". Jim not only lost a son, but John was Pop's best friend too. I know one day when John was about 14 John said after spending a day with Pop that he "realized he was Pop's best friend" and was happy about it.
I know that this Thursday is going to be really hard on Jim and his family as John and Scott always spent Thanksgiving with Jim. There is definitely going to be a tremendous space missing at the table. John always loved going to Thanksgiving with Pop's family, especially when they added the deep fried turkey. Once I took the boys to Portland to visit my brother for Thanksgiving and I was forbidden to ever leave town again on the holiday because John did not ever want to miss another meal at his Auntie's house. I wouldn't be surprised if some how some way John figures out a way to sneak a piece of turkey and some of Aunt Annette's potato salad to where he is at now...even heaven cannot match that delight.
