Wednesday, April 06, 2005
I went to Washington, DC this weekend. Had a really nice time with my friend Laurie and her sister Amy. We toured Mount Vernon, went to several of the Smithsonian museums, and had a variety of different weather, including thunder and lightening, bitter cold wind and sunshine. The cherry blossoms should be completely open today, there were wonderful buds and a few flowing trees when I walked the Tidal Basin, but with them not in full bloom the character of each tree was evident and all the more beautiful.
As always coming home to the familiar is so difficult. I made arrangements to return on an earlier flight as there is the time change, work today and a baby shower I wanted to attend for one of nurses at Alta Bates. I got home, went shopping, took a nap. Jen came by to see if I wanted to walk with Remy and her. On the way home I passed the restaurant that the shower was being held at. I'd totally forgotten why I returned early. I find this so scary. How many other things in my grief am I forgetting? It truly is not like me to be so unorganized, yet one incident after the other continues to occur. Not only did I forget the party, I left my house to walk with Jen with my slippers on! It is reminiscent of a book I read "Good Grief" when the woman arrives at work in her pajamas because she just cannot cope anymore. I feel my days are numbered and is Jackie going to be able handle this kind of depression?
I continue to pray for God's explanation, John telling me he is really happier where he is--as so many people state to comfort me. That the anger and confusion will pass. The hope to discover one thing John left that I have not already seen.
As always coming home to the familiar is so difficult. I made arrangements to return on an earlier flight as there is the time change, work today and a baby shower I wanted to attend for one of nurses at Alta Bates. I got home, went shopping, took a nap. Jen came by to see if I wanted to walk with Remy and her. On the way home I passed the restaurant that the shower was being held at. I'd totally forgotten why I returned early. I find this so scary. How many other things in my grief am I forgetting? It truly is not like me to be so unorganized, yet one incident after the other continues to occur. Not only did I forget the party, I left my house to walk with Jen with my slippers on! It is reminiscent of a book I read "Good Grief" when the woman arrives at work in her pajamas because she just cannot cope anymore. I feel my days are numbered and is Jackie going to be able handle this kind of depression?
I continue to pray for God's explanation, John telling me he is really happier where he is--as so many people state to comfort me. That the anger and confusion will pass. The hope to discover one thing John left that I have not already seen.
