Thursday, February 10, 2005
I often find myself writing things on pieces of paper, wanting to help convey the essence of what it is like to be grieving, but in all the hub bub of my mind racing around I seem to misplace not only the paper but also my thoughts. I do believe there is an aspect of complete insanity that happens to a parent who loses their child because certainly I can not be alone.
Do have to share that getting all John's tax forms and his W-2 is really hard, but I did have an experience of complete and total insensitivity with the California Culinary Academy. I have copy and pasted the letter Jen wrote for me since when I got the latest communication it literally made me pass out and sleep:
Today when my sister Becca Sanchez (John Sanchez' mother) came home from work she received a 1098T from the Culinary Academy (see enclosed copy). The form was addressed to John Sanchez and typed next to the address was 'DECEASED DO NOT CONT.' I am frankly appalled that you couldn't foresee that a form addressed in that manner would be upsetting to Becca. Was it really necessary to put that phrase on the form at all, much less visible through the window in the envelope?
I probably would not even be writing this letter if I did not feel that the Academy had already been quite insensitive to my sister at the time that he died. John fought for his life for 3 years and in the periods that he was well he dedicated himself to being a student at the Academy. He was only 9 units and externship from achieving his degree when he died. In fact, John had already done much of his externship at Lalime's in Berkeley. He was so close! Culinary school meant a lot to John and was a driving motivation for him to be well. At John's memorial service someone presented Becca with a certificate acknowledging John's completion of the first year of study. I felt at the time (and still do) that nothing short of a posthumous degree would have been acceptable, given how close he was to completing his studies. In fact, Becca did not initially realize the certificate was anything other than that and both she and John's doctor felt like they'd really accomplished something, keeping him alive to get that degree. It was only later that Becca realized the certificate was for something as lame as for 'completion of one year.' It honestly broke her heart.
I realize that it's not the Academy's intention to hurt my sister or add to her pain and grief. However, in both these instances, that's exactly what's happened. I encourage you to think through sensitive matters such as these in the future and hopefully other grieving families can be spared additional suffering.
I do not always understand why God did not let John at least live long enough to finish school. This is something I would love to have an answer to as I just find it hard to believe that he needed John earlier.
In the mean time anyone who wants to see the picture of John's tree e-mail me. I tried to post them but it was just toooo complicated.
Do have to share that getting all John's tax forms and his W-2 is really hard, but I did have an experience of complete and total insensitivity with the California Culinary Academy. I have copy and pasted the letter Jen wrote for me since when I got the latest communication it literally made me pass out and sleep:
Today when my sister Becca Sanchez (John Sanchez' mother) came home from work she received a 1098T from the Culinary Academy (see enclosed copy). The form was addressed to John Sanchez and typed next to the address was 'DECEASED DO NOT CONT.' I am frankly appalled that you couldn't foresee that a form addressed in that manner would be upsetting to Becca. Was it really necessary to put that phrase on the form at all, much less visible through the window in the envelope?
I probably would not even be writing this letter if I did not feel that the Academy had already been quite insensitive to my sister at the time that he died. John fought for his life for 3 years and in the periods that he was well he dedicated himself to being a student at the Academy. He was only 9 units and externship from achieving his degree when he died. In fact, John had already done much of his externship at Lalime's in Berkeley. He was so close! Culinary school meant a lot to John and was a driving motivation for him to be well. At John's memorial service someone presented Becca with a certificate acknowledging John's completion of the first year of study. I felt at the time (and still do) that nothing short of a posthumous degree would have been acceptable, given how close he was to completing his studies. In fact, Becca did not initially realize the certificate was anything other than that and both she and John's doctor felt like they'd really accomplished something, keeping him alive to get that degree. It was only later that Becca realized the certificate was for something as lame as for 'completion of one year.' It honestly broke her heart.
I realize that it's not the Academy's intention to hurt my sister or add to her pain and grief. However, in both these instances, that's exactly what's happened. I encourage you to think through sensitive matters such as these in the future and hopefully other grieving families can be spared additional suffering.
I do not always understand why God did not let John at least live long enough to finish school. This is something I would love to have an answer to as I just find it hard to believe that he needed John earlier.
In the mean time anyone who wants to see the picture of John's tree e-mail me. I tried to post them but it was just toooo complicated.
