Friday, October 22, 2004
I am heading up to a wedding this weekend in Sea Ranch. My friend Mary loaned me her house for the weekend and I am looking forward to a self imposed retreat until Tuesday. I have brought plenty of distractions, knitting, movies, comfort food so it should be okay. I am a bit scared that many feelings will come up, especially when I get home like when I returned from Mexico...empty house and no John to give gifts to, lucky that Scott and Alisa will stop by however. Unfortunately I have to face these feelings and only practice will make it better...I guess. We will see how insane I become as there are times I do feel I am teetering on the edge, often find that I am talking to myself...Out loud! I did commit myself to at least one visit to a cancer and family psychiatrist to consult about the possibility of going on some short term anti-depressant medication for the winter. I usually do not like the fall anyway with the dark light and the change of the sun's direction, but adding John being gone to the mix I have a feeling it might be a good idea to embrace the Boy Scout credo and be prepared.
I find myself going each day by John's tree. It really brings a smile to see it there, right now small, but proud.
I find myself going each day by John's tree. It really brings a smile to see it there, right now small, but proud.
Monday, October 18, 2004
Tonight was really special. I think John would of appreciated the time and effort the Boy Scouts put in to making the tree planting special. I know that when I drove by the tree the other day and saw it was already partially planted that it was the right decision to have a redwood planted. The ceremony was so very Boy Scout, trust me from years of sitting through them. It was sweet, touching and a bit corny. It was very easy to imagine John participating in it. I really appreciated the very end when the Boy Scouts circles the tree, sang taps and then did the Troop 14 Boy Scout yell. The troop retired the flag and gave it to me. I plan on having it framed in a shadow box frame with a copy of the plaque and his Scout uniform.
It is sometimes so hard to express the appreciation I feel for the people who also cared and loved John too, but Peter one of John's old troop leaders out did himself. He spent so many hours in meetings and made drawings to submit to the park and recreation department to get the tree planting approved. Kristina, Ron and James helped with planning the little ceremony. I am sure one day I will figure out the right thing to do, in the mean time now we all have a place to go to share a little time with John. I know his friends are grateful to have a place.
Little Nemo, John's cat is here sharing a little time with me. Times I feel that John's spirit is there with him sharing this special evening.
It is sometimes so hard to express the appreciation I feel for the people who also cared and loved John too, but Peter one of John's old troop leaders out did himself. He spent so many hours in meetings and made drawings to submit to the park and recreation department to get the tree planting approved. Kristina, Ron and James helped with planning the little ceremony. I am sure one day I will figure out the right thing to do, in the mean time now we all have a place to go to share a little time with John. I know his friends are grateful to have a place.
Little Nemo, John's cat is here sharing a little time with me. Times I feel that John's spirit is there with him sharing this special evening.
