Monday, January 24, 2005
Got back from Hawaii last night. I do not think I will ever get over coming home and not have something for John. I will have to decide if the pain of coming home is worth the joy of going away for a few days. Luckily Jennifer was able to keep John's ashes for me while I was gone. She said he was a really "good boy" and very "quiet" She got Stuie's ashes back today. Stuie is in what looks like a small jewelry box. It is amazing how much more volume John is than the average person or dog.
I cannot get over how sad I feel today. I hope I can muster up the energy to get out of my jammies. I would hate to go to grief counseling in my slippers. I feel so sorry for myself about how unfair it is that John is no longer with us. How can it be really true and not a nightmare? How in the world did this happen to him and to all of us. The fact that we all have to live the rest of our lives without John seems more than we should have to endure. How in the world am I going to ever survive this loss? How are you going to survive?
I cannot get over how sad I feel today. I hope I can muster up the energy to get out of my jammies. I would hate to go to grief counseling in my slippers. I feel so sorry for myself about how unfair it is that John is no longer with us. How can it be really true and not a nightmare? How in the world did this happen to him and to all of us. The fact that we all have to live the rest of our lives without John seems more than we should have to endure. How in the world am I going to ever survive this loss? How are you going to survive?
